SLEEP SARAH!!! (intro)

I have a bit of a reputation as a sweet, kind, friendly, outgoing, helpful, gung-ho type of person. It is safe to say that a good majority of people that I encounter feel this way. (I say this very humbly, I promise!) Luckily, most of them have never encountered SLEEP SARAH!

SLEEP SARAH is my alter ego that I had absolutely no idea existed for a long time. Or, perhaps I was in denial. SLEEP SARAH is mean, short tempered, angry, often incoherent, and unreasonable. She visits in the moments when I am half asleep, just waking up, or about to fall asleep. BUT! I can go months without SLEEP SARAH making an appearance.

So how was she discovered? My unsuspecting college boyfriend stumbled into her trap. Up until his discovery I considered myself the good sister. Missy has been known to be a terror since toddler-hood. My parents argued over who had to wake her up because she was such a misery. It never even occurred to me that I was similar. In fact, when confronted with the existence of SLEEP SARAH , I vehemently denied it- and the fact that Missy was the one like that was my defense. That was until the evidence just kept mounting. Poor ex-boyfriend. I have drawn a few diagrams to show you all:

DIAMGRAM 1 : NORMAL SARAH

Boyfriend is tall, muscular black man that is often mistaken for an NFL linebacker (he is demonstrating is muscles right now). Sarah is a short white woman merrily waving and being friendly. Please notice Sarah's lack of any intimidating features.

DIAMGRAM 2 : SLEEP SARAH

Boyfriend is SCARED. Sarah has transformed into huge mean monster of anger. Height, weight, racial stereotypes aside... SLEEP SARAH is scary- and currently yelling incoherent meanness. Boyfriend often does best to not arouse her into existence, and has curled into a tiny ball of fear.

So... that about sums it up. Sometimes all SLEEP SARAH does is spout random words, or jump out of bed talking nonsense. Sometimes she is just mildly confused and amusing. Unfortunately, this is not the case most of the time. SLEEP SARAH will accuse you of doing everything wrong, and that you did it just to piss her off. SLEEP SARAH assumes the worst in you, and will yell at you about it. If you understand what SLEEP SARAH is even saying it makes you more scared. SLEEP SARAH makes up things to be mad at you about, but is convinced it really happened. Perhaps, it was a dream. SLEEP SARAH has punched said ex-boyfriend in the face accidentally, but forcefully. Worst of all, SLEEP SARAH absolutely cannot stand if you get mad at her for her behavior, because it was all completely justified, and you should just understand...seeing as how you love her and all.

It's not pretty (see my picture at the top of this post...not cute) But we all must admit we can't always be so darling! lol!

I am going to, over time, share some of these SLEEP SARAH stories!
STAY TUNED!!!

Dancing Black Chuckie

When I was in college, me and a small group of friends would sometimes go to the waffle house in the middle of the night. The waffle house was like 30 mins away, but every once in a while we couldn’t stand it anymore and would make the trip.

One night our friend Ryan told us some stories of his days working at Chuck e Cheese. Needless to say, they were all pretty funny. But one story was the greatest of them all! Even though his job was to make the pizzas, he sometimes had to fill in for whoever was supposed to be playing Chuckie. Unfortunately, he did not know the chuckie dances, so would make up other dances. He would do the harlem shake, crypt walk, etc. He hated doing it, but the kids loved it. The regular Chuckie was white, and Ryan is black. Some of the regular kids knew who was wearing the suit by the dance moves. It got to the point that they would request him as “the black chuckie”. Or complain to their moms that this chuckie wasn’t as good as “the black chuckie.” Please note that they never saw his skin, they just intrinsically knew.

Everyone was dying laughing at this story. This friend of mine actually knew my mom pretty well, and she thought he was hilarious. So after we made fun of him for a while I threatened to call my mom and tell her the embarrassing story if he didn’t show us some of his famous Chuckie dance movies. He refused to comply. After joking around a bit about the threat, it kinda became intense and I was NOT going to back down. While waving my phone in the air with my thumb hovering over the call button I commanded him to dance right there in the waffle house!

He adamantly refused. So I called my mom. At 2 am. On a weeknight. To tell her the ”black dancing chuckie” story. I did wake her up, but she loved the story. We were all laughing all over again. Then I let my mom go back to sleep.

About 15 mins later my phone rang, and it was my mom. She was upset and it took me a minute to get the story out of her. Apparently, once she got off the phone, she realized she smelled something. The whole house was filled with carbon monoxide. So she called 911 and they were on their way, but she was kinda freaked out. So we paid our bill and went over to her house. She was (quit comically despite the situation) sitting out in the car with two dogs, a cat and a giant bird cage holding a parrot.

After the fire trucks and everything cleared we got the full scoop. The leak had not been happening very long when I called, but it was long enough for her to smell it. Another hour or so and all the animals would have died. She would have without a doubt not made it until morning. If I had not called her that night she would have died. His hilarious story and my jerky decision to wake my mom up in the middle of the night saved her life!!!

Scary!

God sure works in mysterious ways! Shout out to all those ppl out there dressed as Chuck e Cheese, dancing for kids nationwide. Your stories may save someone’s life one day! HAHAHAHAAHAHA!

ps. everyone needs a carbon monoxide detector and smoke detector! Pets and children are especially vulnerable.